Come on Sweet Cheeks..

I have a well-educated suspicion that my blog sister is going to be writing an Ode to Grandma Undies, and so I am taking this opportunity to defend the invention of the thong, save our blog’s image on the free web, and of course avoid the average demographic of our blog follower being 75 and retired. SWF can bash the t-bar and sing praises to the Balloon Undies God as much as she wants, but when it comes to practicality, aesthetics, (and in my opinion, comfort), Sisqo has it right-thongs are just one of the ‘finer things in life’. Ah, I am a bit embarrassed Sisqo just made it into my post, but I am certain SWF will be cursing his name all over our blog.

Why?

Because for some unknown reason, she feels like MORE of a woman by wearing MORE material on her buttocks. Instead of trying to convince the female world (I  am confident I don’t have to, since most are capable of properly choosing suitable underwear), I will simply be directing my comments at SWF trying to delve into her psyche a little bit. It all began with a 911 email from her saying : “I am wearing a thong today. And I might murder someone”. The little itty bit of material covering her nether regions is causing this much animosity? I must intervene.

I decided this topic deserved some attention and good old fashioned research. I found a discussion board online (WHY there so many “I hate Thong’ forums out there is beyond me--most of them have probably been started by SWF and her full coverage fans). While the following will not promise to be an intelligent glimpse into the type of people who generally opt to wear Poofers, it may be telling in that fact alone. I am hoping that maybe by the end of this post, you will let your cheeks free. My dreadful findings:

Posted by: The Answerer
I wear them because i don't want my pantyline to show and they dont give me wedgies because i make sure that i have a fresh pair on everyday because by the second day they get moist form being in your behind for so long and you start to feel them .

First of all, you are just disgusting. I am glad you have come to the realization that a daily underwear change is necessary. Congratulations on being so hygiene conscious. Secondly, you have helped me remember one of my pet peeve words: moist. I hate that second day moistness. Will add to the Pet Peever page asap.

Posted by: Brandi L
I hate them, them, they are ugly and uncomfortable, anyone who wears them, have a fun type with that wedgie.

Well, Brandi, the fact that they are ugly is your own fault. You do have a choice in what you buy. No one is forcing you at gunpoint to purchase thongs with cherry bombs on them. Secondly, get spell check.

Posted by: sarbear
theyre so unhealthy for ur butt.

Thanks Sarbear, cute name. I can see you have indepth medical knowledge. You have enlightened the world.

Please tell me your anti- thong arguments are not in tune with the above reflections. I wouldn’t even be upset if you stopped reading this post now, so that you could rush off to throw out all your discussion board-poster under garments, and replenish your stock with some cute ones resembling these personal favs:

I would like to think that people who wear thongs are not only wearing them to ‘feel sexy’, or to impress the opposite sex. If you rely on a small piece of fabric to ‘feel sexy’, then chances are you need a bit more help than that. I would hope that a woman feels sexiest with nothing on at all. The naked body should trump all the sexy thongs on the market.

It’s true, the person inside the thong does contribute to the overall look in a large way (sometimes larger than others).

I am sure most men wouldn’t throw Heidi Klum out of bed if she showed up donning pair of granny panties, and catching a glimpse of Susan Boyle strutting around in a thong would be enough to leave you sleepless…probably forever. But in general, for those of us who exist in the ‘normal’ spectrum, a little thong action can only be a good thing.

I’m sure SWF can’t deny that the basic aesthetic design of the thong is far more attractive than the full coverage cotton granny. Her take on thongs will always remain a mystery to me. I. JUST. DON’T. get it. She likes nice things. She is well put together and looks great. She carries Michael Kors purses on her shoulder. She wears cute heels, and then…..unzip. AH!! She is wearing BRIGHT YELLOW granny panties. If that isn’t a ‘caution’ sign, I don’t know what is. SWF, get your sweet cheeks into a thong. STAT. Stop living the life of a Nonna!

And for the record, thongs are not ALWAYS the best choice. I am not a lunatic who wears a thong while dressed in a flowing skirt and standing above a subway grate with an updraft. There is admittedly, a time and a place for booty shorts and fullbacks:
1. Windy days
2. Athletic pursuits
3. Short skirts that have some bounce and flounce
4. That's all i can think of.

Hey Sisqo! Call me.