Hey Tiger! Thanks for checking in but..I don't care. At all. Not even a little bit.

There are certain things I really care about in this world. I am not a totally disinterested member of society who lives in my own little bubble of self worth. Unfortunately, the details of Tiger Woods' intimate extra marital encounters is not something I care to see coverage about on THE NATIONAL NEWS. I watch TMZ and assorted other celebrity gossip shows for my fill of the Hollywood limelight stories, and that's where I think they should stay. And while I admit that not every story on TMZ is a gem--ie. oh wow-- Lil Wayne got 8 root canals in one sitting- at least I don't have it shoved down my throat on a reputable news network.

I am not sure why this came as such a shocker to the world. Tiger is NOT the first celebrity who has committed an act of dishonesty or betrayal and he is certainly not the last. There always seems to be a massive outcry, and then some scripted public announcement of guilt followed by a feigned attempt at gaining back the respect from the public eye through a teary apology:

"I am sorry for the pain I have caused. I want to say to each of you simply and directly that i am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior" Blah. Blah. Blah. I could have predicted the contents of his entire speech.

We get it. You are sorry. So sorry. ......sorry for getting caught.

You would not be swallowing your pride and risking your image and sponsorship in front of millions if you hadnt been caught in the act. You would not simply 'man up' and tell-all because you felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. But, because you failed to discretely partake in these affairs, you now have to face the interrogation lights. You wouldn't be enlisted in sex rehab if your wife hadn't checked your phone and found all kinds of dirty texts between you and a bunch of fame whores.You set yourself up for this fate. What would you be doing today if you hadn't been caught? Probably chasing tail in Vegas, using your big and bad Tiger name and relishing your suave and debonair way with women. Maybe it was Nike's fault. They told you to JUST DO IT. You were only obeying.

I think the assumption you and the newsmakers are making is that we, as a collective, care. I guess some  do..but for the rest of us, please don't splatter it all over the news where most people go to grab important, relevant and timely information  This is an embarrassment to the notion of national news.

Tiger,  I used to openly choose to watch you do what you do best on the greens. Now, annoyingly, I am being forced to watch you on the news for something else you apparently do best-puppeteering the public into caring one way or another about you.

Saturday Night Live thanks you for your press conference, they now have lots of material to work with.