Sentimental Waste

Let’s. Talk. Hoarders.
(If you live under a rock click here)

This gem of a reality show raises a lot of questions and observations like:

*How does one not realize there are several dead and decaying cat carcasses under their bed?

*Excuse me sir, but the fact that you have to defecate on newspapers because you keep your collection of old, useless, pieces of wood in the bathroom, is a little out of control

*How can your love of tchotchkes and trash be greater than the love you have for your children, who have been sleeping in tents because your home is infested with bed bugs?

You know – questions and observations like that.

We are all quick to judge these people who haven’t seen the surface area of their kitchen floor since the Clinton administration (I have always wanted to say that!) However, recent events have led me to wonder – if maybe there isn’t a little bit of a “Hoarder” hiding in each and every one of us?

This thought occurred to me the other day when I popped open the trunk of my car and discovered 5 boxes of vinyls taken from somebody’s trash (they were for a friend who asked me to keep my eyes open for him – but still), a box of colorful leis from a bachelorette party that happened over 6 months ago, a coffee urn that I really should return to work, and about 8 pairs of shoes.
There was a moment of horror before I convinced myself that all of this crap was definitely stuff I could toss (except the coffee urn, because that is actually expensive, and the shoes) without getting the sweats and having a meltdown.
I reassured myself that I was keeping all of this junk hidden in my trunk because I was lazy and messy and not because I was mentally ill and trying to breed a herd of rats in my Sentra.

I will admit that I have always had a “messy” streak. My room in University looked like a perpetual 4 year bomb had detonated… and while to this day I still have a chair in my room that is used primarily for collecting clothes rather than for sitting in and gazing out the window, I’ve definitely cleaned up my act.

In fact just the other day I was doing a quick clean up of my room – hanging up clothes from the weekend, putting away my make up, and throwing out the empty water bottle from my bedside table. I went to put the bottle in the trash and stopped myself. You see, I had this amazing date on Friday with a guy I am crazy about. At the end of the date I was insanely thirsty and went to purchase a bottle of water and a package of gum to ready myself for an end of date kiss. I didn’t have any change so I pulled out my debit card, but my date insisted, and reached his dreamy hand into his dreamy pocket and broke a $20 bill.
Suddenly, remembering this moment, I was unable to immediately part with the empty water bottle and convinced myself that I could let it stay there …just a little while longer… to preserve the moment.

This afternoon after lunch – I ate the last piece of gum in the pack. The empty pack is now in my purse instead of the trash bin where it belongs. I think we all know that there is nothing more irritating than an empty package of gum in ones purse.
And when I emptied my jean pockets I realized that I had the receipt for these items and I didn’t even pay!! You guessed it; the receipt is in now in my wallet for safekeeping.

Even as I write this, I am cracking myself up and my cheeks are red with embarrassment. The fact that I am keeping date “mementos” is really lame (ok, pathetic and creepy) and I am pretty confident that if my crush knew I was doing this, it would be considered a “turn off”.

What really worries me though, is that these items are trash. It’s not like I’m drying flowers for decorative purposes here…. I am keeping garbage by tricking myself into believing that it “means something”
OMG I’m Hoarding!!! And in some cases ….subconsciously !! – Hello mysterious receipt for items I didn’t pay for!?

Suddenly I can begin to empathize with these poor, crazy, people and it worries me.
What I do know, is the minute I stop typing, that empty package of Cinnamon Flavored Dentyne is going in the bin …. and ditto for the bottle of water that is still on my bedside collecting dust.

I feel incredibly lucky that I hit rock bottom so early in my illness and that I am able to recognize my problem before my friends stage an intervention and I am swimming in a sea of “Sentimental Waste”.

What I do know is the next time I tune into A&E Hoarders, I will try to watch with less judgment and chagrin – keeping in mind that often what we despise in others is what we really despise in ourselves.
…. That is however until there is any mention of poop, bed bugs, or dead animals –when judgment and disgust will resume and prevail.